Total Slobs

Up until last month I was sharing an apartment with two other girls I who I was going to college with. Things were fine and all, but one decided to transfer to another college and the other decided to move in with her boyfriend. I wanted to keep the apartment and have two other friends lined up to move in with me this August so just to help cover the rent I decided to let my younger brother and his partner move in for the summer. The smart move was making them pay all the rent up front. The dumb thing was agreeing to let these two pigs move in with me.

There’s one bathroom in the apartment. Day one that they were here and I walk in the bathroom and there is pee all over the toilet seat and on the floor around the toilet. My brand new white couch gets root beer spilled all over it and they just let it soak in instead of cleaning it up. They end up breaking their bedroom doors clean off the hinges. They leave the sliding door wide open and my cat gets out and I haven’t seen her since. That was JUST THE FIRST DAY!

“Jake,” my brother’s partner, walks around the apartment wearing the same, ratty, old pair of flannel boxer shorts and a grungy tank-top t-shirt every day. They are full of holes and the armpits on the shirt are crusty and stained yellow. Every time he sits down I get the pleasure of seeing “little Jake and the twins” sticking out of his pant leg. My brother is no better, always wearing the same pair of sweat pants that haven’t seen the inside of a washing machine in months. The two of them actually have farting contests while sitting in the living room and think it’s absolutely hilarious.

I had to throw out a frying pan and two pots within a week of them moving in because they left them on the stove with the burner going. They do not know how to shut doors. They leave the bathroom door open when using the toilet. They leave their bedroom door wide open at night (their excuse is it’s too hot with the door closed) and when they have sex, which is just about every night, it sounds like two apes fighting. Just what a girl wants to see whenever she walks to the bathroom at night. Her little brother, legs spread and up in the air, getting banged by another dude.

And the smell. There isn’t an air freshener made that can cover up the smell that flows from their bedroom. I am going to have to fumigate the place when they move out. Then there is the other bedroom- which Jake has decided is a great place to work on their bicycles. There is grease all over the carpet and I don’t know how I am going to get it out. I told them they are paying to get the carpets cleaned in the bedrooms when they move out and they just look at me like I am speaking some foreign language whenever I tell them that.

I already know I am going to loose my cleaning deposit and am just afraid that my friends who are moving in come August will see the place and refuse to move in with me.
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One Response to Total Slobs

  1. twistedbrother says:

    Yea I had a gay roomie my freshman year in the dorm and the site of him butt ass naked bent over his chair getting plugged up the butt by another guy when I walked in the room one night is burned into my eyeballs. He made out with his boyfriend with me in the room too so lucky me got to see him getting sucked off more than once too.

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