Am I Being a Prude?

I’ve been sharing an apartment with my BFF Tina and her boyfriend for almost a year now. Tina and I have been friends for years. She met her boyfriend Steve almost two years ago and he’s a really nice guy and everything but let’s just say that he’s not the most discrete guy in the world.

I was raised in a pretty conservative very religious family, I admit that and I have many of the values that my parents have. Things started out fine when Steve moved in but after a month or so he started to get a little too comfortable around me. It started when one morning I was heading to the bathroom for my morning routine and just as I was approaching the bathroom door out came Steve totally naked. He just walked by me, said good morning and went into his and Tina’s bedroom like there was nothing wrong. I finished my shower, got dressed and went to the kitchen to fix my breakfast and there was Steve, leaning on the kitchen counter drinking his wearing just a t-shirt and nothing else. I quickly turned around and went to Tina and asked her to ask Steve to please put some pants on. She did, but he just put on a pair of bikini underwear.

I didn’t say anything about it, at least he was covering up his nudity. So that went on for a while. Mostly Steve would be wearing his skimpy underwear and a t-shirt in the mornings, but sometime it would just be the skimpy underwear. The thing is- no other way to put it- Steve is very, very well endowed so those underwear don’t hide much at all.

Time went on and Steve started to get more comfortable. It just wasn’t mornings any more. He would come back from his nightly visits to the gym, shower and then just throw on the skimpy underwear and maybe a t-shirts and just hang around the apartment like that until bedtime. I mentioned it to Tina many times and she said I was just being a prude and that he was covering up and not being indecent or anything.

Steve’s birthday rolled around and I got an idea. I bought him a nice, satin bathrobe. He thanked me, told me how nice it was then it their closet it went. He never wore it. This went on for a while and I finally asked Steve why he never wears the bathrobe. He just smiled, said “Oh! I guess I could wear it” and walked away. The next morning- the same skimpy underwear and t-shirt but that evening after him and Tina got back from the gym he wore the bathrobe. I thanked him, telling him how nice it looked on him. Then he sat down on the couch, spread his legs- and wasn’t wearing any underwear under the bathrobe.

But what happened last week- oh my God. I got up from bed to go to the bathroom. It was about 6 AM. Just as I opened my bedroom door Steve came out of his bedroom. He was totally naked and had an erection. I literally screamed. He quickly covered it up with his hands, said “Whoops, I’m sorry!” and ran ahead of me into the bathroom. Tina came tearing out of the bedroom and I just ripped into her.

Now Tina is angry with me and barely is speaking to me. I am at a loss on what to do.
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20 Responses to Am I Being a Prude?

  1. G says:

    I don’t think you are being a prude. It is called respect for other people’s values that your friend is missing here. She most probably doesn’t care as she thinks her boy is ‘hot’ and wants to show him off.

    It would be interesting to see what her reaction would be if you started walking around in your underwear……Could go either way 😉

    Good Luck.

  2. Lauren says:

    This has nothing to do with you being a prude or your religious values. Someone is exposing themselves to you even though you have repeatedly asked them to stop. That is sexual harassment, and it is a crime. I think you need to sit down with STEVE (not Tina) and have a frank conversation with him, saying that when he is in common living spaces, he needs to have his junk covered at all times. Preferably, with shorts, at least. If he wants to sit around in his underwear, he can do that in the bedroom. You are not in the wrong here! And Tina is being a bitch. She should have had this conversation with her boyfriend the second you told her it was making you uncomfortable. But leave her out of the talk with Steve. You don’t need them ganging up on you. Remember: Exposed genitalia = sexual harassment = crime. (Not that I’m suggesting calling the police or anything. But if things escalate, it wouldn’t necessarily be a bad idea to remind your roommates of that.)

  3. oldhat says:

    I had a parade of roommates- at least 12 of them over a 15 year period. Four of them made it a regular habit to hang around the house in their underwear, one had no qualms about walking around in the nude when he got up in the morning and one was an all-out nudist who rarely wore clothes around the house. I’d hardly call it sexual harassment as one commenter put it as they all were in the privacy of their own homes (and mine) and the intent of harassment was not there at all. But Steve should respect your wishes and Tina should have more respect for your friendship. I only had an issue with my nudist roommate not covering up when I had guests over and after a short talk with him he agreed and would throw on shorts when I had company.

  4. Lauren says:

    Nope. It’s harassment. You do not gain or loose rights by stepping into your own home. His right to walk around naked is not greater than her right to not be exposed to someone’s genitalia when she has explicitly expressed her discomfort with it. It is important to not undermine these things just because his intent isn’t malicious. That opens the door for a myriad of other problems. She has a legal right to not be exposed to explicit sexual images in her own home. End of story.

    He not only should respect her wishes, he has to.

  5. oldhat says:

    Wow. I never knew a nude body was an explicit sexual image.

  6. Lauren says:

    It isn’t. But when you are forcing someone into a situation in which they have expressed there discomfort, it is. This isn’t an opinion. You can’t go around exposing yourself to people, especially when they have made it more than obvious that they are not okay with it.

  7. zilla says:

    are you a prude? Or is it sexual harassment?

    That depends on what boundaries have been set and crossed.

    My house also has a clothing optional policy. Previous roommates lounged around in their underwear during the summer. It wasn’t a big deal. Nowadays, folks just shuffle in and out of the bathrooms or laundry room in various states of nudity.
    But these was all explicitly agreed on before anyone moved in. No surprises. All within a non sexual context. Everyone was comfortable with it.

    BUT if you did not have an explicit agreement about nudity around the house, it is pretty weird/entitled to assume no boundaries can exist. It becomes harassment when it is imposed on you despite/in spite of your boundaries. If you say ‘hey, I’m cool with the tshirt and panties, not full nudity in communal spaces .’ For example. And he persists and argues when confronted or becomes more pushy about where he wants to be naked or uses his nudity to deliberately make you feel uncomfortable then, yeah, it is sexual harassment.

    While there isn’t anything inherently/morally wrong with nudity, we unfortunately do live in a society where men expose themselves to women as part of a dominant power play in our weird ass culture. So it any woman who finds a naked guy potentially threatening isn’t being unreasonable. This also makes it difficult for the not-creepy-ass-dudes-who-don’t-send-unsolicited-dick-pics to just enjoy being naked in the place the call home. At least not without a lot of respect for his female roommates boundaries.

    I would start by suggesting designated naked times around the house. So you always know when/where to expect him to be free-balling and decide whether or not you are comfortable enough to be around it before you venture through the house. And you’d have a time frame when you can be sure you won’t be surprised by inadvertently designed dude panties and manspreading.

  8. freewillie124 says:

    While attending college in the SF Bay Area in CA I lived in a large house with ten other people. We too had a clothing optional policy- it was right in the rental agreement (the landlord lived in the house as well). Total nudity around the house was not uncommon and for the most part everyone was comfortable with it until this one older woman moved in. She was a nudist but her nudity- the way she carried herself and her actions -was what some would deem inappropriate. (She was one of those “touchy-feelie” people who just seem to crave physical contact.) A house meeting was called- she was there -and everyone aired their concerns. She was totally unaware that her actions were offending just about everyone in the house. There were clear rules on where nudity was allowed and where it wasn’t. The upper two floors only- no nudity, partial or otherwise was tolerated in the kitchen and dining area and the common room on the main floor. She would constantly be on the main floor with just a wrap around her waist and nothing covering her breasts. There were things that she did that she wasn’t even aware she was doing- touching herself inappropriately in the presence of others, placing her hands on other people’s bodies when she talked to them, sitting on the couch with her legs spread wide apart. Some people in the house took this as harassment and demanded that she be evicted even after she apologized and said she would be more thoughtful of her actions around the house. In the end, she left on her own accord a couple weeks later because the people who accused her of harassment were harassing her to leave.

  9. freewillie124 says:

    As far as Steve’s erection goes- morning wood. Every guy gets it and there’s nothing sexual about it. They are usually caused by the need to urinate after waking up in the morning.

  10. Emily says:

    My husband and I walk around our own house naked quite often, but we don’t live with other adults. I would have to agree that when you’re around other people and you’re not fully aware of what their tolerance for nudity is, you cover yourself up. We lived with his brother and his brother’s girlfriend (now wife), and we never walked around in the common areas unclothed unless we knew they weren’t going to be home (i.e. they were out of town on vacation). Even then, we were fairly cautious about it, making sure to limit the amount of time we were outside the bedroom if we were naked. Since you seem to have made it fairly clear that his nudity makes you very uncomfortable, he is either completely clueless, or he’s a huge jerk.

  11. twistedbrother says:

    I guess I grew up in a pretty liberal house. My dad walked around naked in the morning and usually was sitting there in just his underwear watching TV at night. There was six of us in the house and just one bathroom so I took a shower in the morning and one of my sisters would be at the sink brushing her teeth or doing her hair and usually my little brother would be in the shower with me. I probably saw everyone in my family naked every day, except my mom and she would just be in her bathrobe. I shared a bedroom with my little brother and both of us slept naked and saw each other with boners all the time. I guess its something you get so used to that it don’t bother you and you never even notice it any more.

  12. Samantha says:

    All around, this seems like a situation that, at the least seems complicated.

    I personally have been in a similar situation. I lived in a house where nudity and partial nudity was fine and normal. At one point, a new housemate moved in and shortly after expressed that they felt somewhat uncomfortable with the nudity. I personally wanted to respect her boundaries, but I also had mixed feeling about her request for everyone in the house to be clothed at all times. In some ways, it felt like she was imposing a requirement of clothing on everyone in the house. As a woman, I personally have been told too many times in my life that my body is indecent or that there are certain clothes that are appropriate or not. I felt genuinely felt limited by her request that I put on clothing at all times, because for me, claiming nudity was a personal struggle. I also felt less at home in our home, because it felt like was limited to my room unless I put on clothing, and that the rest of our house was not as much my home. I know that I was not unique in this feeling that I was limited to my room.

    I’m still not sure what to do about this situation. I don’t know what an easy resolution is. I don’t remember if a discussion of nudity happened before the new roommate moved in, but I do know that they now have expressed some discomfort with nudity and have requested that we all be clothed. I want to respect my housemate, and do not want to make them uncomfortable, but at the same time, I genuinely feel limited by this request. Thoughts? Advice?

  13. twistedbrother says:

    I been sleeping naked since I was like ten years old and when I went to college I just kept doing it. I didn’t ask my roommates if it was okay to sleep naked. So like on weekends and stuff if I didn’t have classes a lot of the time I would just wake up and hang around the room naked for a while. I never talked about it with my roommates and I had a different one every year and next year I am getting another roommate and I am just gonna do the same. My roommates didn’t care and they never told me to get dressed or anything. My freshman year roommate slept naked too. Last year my roommate would have his girlfriend over for weekends sometimes and I would get naked in front of her and it was no big deal with her.

    • twistedbrother says:

      When I was like 14 I had to stay with my aunt and uncle cuz I was sick and my mom was pregnent. I got up like in the middle of the night to go pee then walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. I was naked and didn’t even think about it cuz I would do that all the time at home and no one cared. Anyway, my uncle walked into the kitchen and I was sitting naked on the kitchen counter eating cookies and drinking milk right out of the jug and he tells me to put some clothes on before my aunt sees me cuz she would freak out.

  14. fool4luv says:

    I moved in with my boyfriend who was living in an apartment with a couple other guys. I’ve been in the apartment three months now. When I moved in, one of the guys would walk around the house naked every morning and on weekends sometimes wouldn’t get dressed until late in the morning. One morning he walked into the kitchen from his bedroom, half asleep with an erection. I reached down, grabbed it and said “What a cute little thing!” My boyfriend practically peed his pants he was laughing so hard. Since then he’s been wearing gym shorts every morning.

  15. goldcashgold says:

    I dunno. For a while I roomed with a couple girls and I walked around the apartment in my underwear all the time. So did they. No big deal and nobody ever said anything about it. There was more then a couple times when they saw me naked and I saw them naked and it was like oops! sorry! Don’t know why anybody would get mad just cuz they seen someone’s dick. One time I thought I was the only one home so I took off my shorts and was sitting on the couch whacking one off and all of the sudden my roomate Sherry comes out of her bedroom so I pull up my shorts real quick and says I didn’t know you was home! and she just started laughing at me.

  16. stonerboner says:

    i guess you’re not being a prude. but i don’t see what your issue is with the human body. disclaimer, i’m almost always naked in my room at school. My friends don’t care. they come over and get high and we play video games and play music. i put jeans and tee shirt on to go to dinner but never wear shoes. steve sounds pretty descent looking (i’m guessing) so seeing his body would be more of a turn on than off, i would think. i don’t get the big deal. take your clothes off and see what he does.

  17. John Romero says:

    You say you’re religious. I’m surprised no one challenged your belief that nudity is wrong, which is what I’m assuming you think.

    So I’m going to just assume you’re Christian.

    Why is nudity “wrong,” or sinful? Where in the Bible does it say nudity is wrong? Did you know that Pope John specifically declared that the nude body, in and of itself, is not inherently sexual or sinful to look at?

    Did you know that Paul said that “exercise is good, but godliness has greater value?” The thing is, the Greek word for exercise has the root word “gymnos,” meaning nudity? It’s where we get gymnasium from. It literally means “a place to be naked.” They would exercise in the nude because it was too expensive to exercise in the few clothes that you had, which were often made of wool or other thick, hard to clean materials.

    Paul also advocated for the use of public baths, which would be naked of course.

    So I’m interested in how you justify why nudity is morally depraved.

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