Insane

So five months ago me and a couple of my buds found a house for rent near the beach for really cheap. The place is sorta a dump but the landlord said we could do anything we wanted to it as long as we asked him first and said he would even give us a break on rent if we helped him fix it up. I’ll call my buds A and B. A and me always knew that B was a little weird but now we think the dude is insane. So here it is.

Like the second day after we move in it’s seven in the morning and I wake up because I’m hearing singing. I get out of bed and go out to the kitchen and B is in there just in his underwear and his iPod stuck in the waistband dancing around and singing at the top of his lungs. A comes out of his room and says “what the fuck?” and B just waves at us and keeps on dancing and singing. I went over and yanked out his earbuds and said “really dude? at seven in the morning?” so he stops, says he’s sorry and goes back to his room.

A couple days later and I’m sitting in the bathroom dropping a deuce. Like I said the house is sort of a dump and there was no bathroom door so we just tacked up a sheet across the door until we could fix it. B walks in, says “hey” then just whips out his dick and pisses in the sink then just walks out again. I just sat there not knowing what to say. Like dude, you couldn’t wait five minutes?

A and me work evening shift at the same restaurant. B works days at a convenience store. We get home from work one night and there’s no sign of B. We was both totally wiped out because it was a really busy Friday night so A goes right to bed. Like a couple minutes after he goes into his room I hear A scream “what the fuck? Get the hell out of here!” then I hear B laughing his ass off. He was hiding under A’s bed and grabbed his ankle as he was climbing into bed. B scared the shit out of him.

One afternoon A and me was getting ready for work and running late. I remembered it was garbage day so I asked B, who had the day off, to take out the garbage. B says “watch this” and starts this insane like laugh, pulls off his board shorts and runs out the front door naked, grabs the trash can from the side of the house, runs it out to the curb then comes tearing back into the house laughing his ass off the entire time.

A and me get home from work one night and walk in the house. All of B’s bedroom furniture and shit is in the living room and all the living room stuff is in his bedroom. A says “what the fuck?” and B says “I like this room better.”

Another time we come home from work and find the kitchen painted black. The landlord said we could paint it as long as we painted it white or light tan and even bought some white paint for us to use and we was going to paint it that weekend. B went out and bought black paint on his own and made a huge mess when he painted. There was black paint foot prints all over the house.

B decided one night he was gonna take a bath. A and me was sitting in the living room and all of the sudden I see like a ton of water running under the bathroom door, down the hallway and right into my bedroom. I run to the bathroom, kick open the door and B is just sitting in the tub with the water running full blast and overflowing over the tub.

B always was leaving his dirty dishes piled up on the counter and A and me was getting sick of it so we kept getting on his case to do the dishes. A and me was out in the back yard when all of the sudden the kitchen window flies open and B is tossing plates out the window like a frisbee and they are smashing all over the driveway.

Then a couple weeks ago A and B are out and the phone rings so I pick it up. It was the landlord and he’s telling me we got until the end of next month to get out of the house and if we aren’t out he’s gonna call the cops. I’m like “what the hell?” We already took care of the mess B made painting the kitchen and repainted it white. We fixed the bathroom door, replaced some broken windows and totally picked up all the shit in the yard from the previous renters and even planted grass. We was never late with the rent and all that and the landlord is just screaming at me so I ask him what the hell and he says he’s sick and tired of the neighbors calling him all the time and complaining about B and all the weird shit he does every evening. I had no idea what he was talking about so I asked one of the neighbors and he says B sometimes stands in the window not wearing any clothes and stares at them and whenever they are out in their yard he opens the windows and starts screaming all this garbage at them. So A and B get home and I ask B what the hell he’s doing and he just says “I ain’t doing shit” and I tell A what the landlord and the neighbor said. The next day A calls the landlord and says if we kick B out can him and me stay and the landlord says okay so the next day we tell B he has to leave. We got back from work that night and all his shit was gone and he had trashed the house.
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One Response to Insane

  1. soosieqb says:

    I had a creep like that as a neighbor about five years ago. Whenever I was out working in my lawn he would be standing in his window staring at me. Even if I was out there for a couple hours. He would just stand there. I never spoke to him; he never spoke to me. I called him “The Mannequin”

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