Huffer


He joined an intramural rugby team and it’s not so much a rugby team, it’s more of an excuse for a bunch of idiots to get together and get wasted after every game or match or whatever they call them. And I don’t know what it is about rugby players and getting naked whenever they get drunk, but I went to a few of their parties with Jay and both times guys were running around naked getting all gay with each other and shit. Jay’s not what I call an obnoxious drunk. He’s a sloppy drunk and an every single fucking weekend sloppy drunk that I have to deal with whenever he gets back from a night of partying. When he gets drunk he gets all emotional and shit and when he doesn’t pass out he starts dumping on me about his parents, his useless girlfriend and every other problem he thinks he has and starts crying and wanting me to hug him and “be his buddy” whatever that means. When he’s not drunk he’s cool. Pretty laid back and quiet, just lazy when it comes to studying and cleaning and shit. His side of the room is a pig sty. He throws his sweaty gym clothes on the floor and leaves them there. I don’t think he’s ever washed them either. They fucking stink, especially his socks and shoes. Then like mid first semester he comes back from one of his rugby buddy’s apartment and he has this little brown bottle and he says “check this shit out- it’s legal and they sell it downtown at the head shop.” He shows me the bottle, it’s some stuff called Rush and he says to open it up and take a whiff so I do and holy shit- instant buzz and the room is spinning and I’m seeing colors and shit. I hand it back to him and he’s like “ain’t that the shit?” and all that. So he takes the bottle back and sits down at his laptop and starts sniffing this shit and chatting with one of his rugby buddies who sniffing it too. Like a week later he ran out of the stuff and goes down to the head shop and buys another bottle so I ask him how much that shit costs and he says like twelve bucks and now he starts doing it like every night chatting with his buddies and he starts calling it “boner in a bottle” because he says it gives him raging boners when he does it. After like a month of doing that shit every night he starts to get bloody noses all the time and what does he do? Just stuffs toilet paper up the side of his nose that’s bleeding and keeps huffing through the other side. Then the night before everyone took off for Christmas break Jay tells me his rugby buddies are throwing a huge party and he asks me if I wanna come. I wasn’t doing anything so I said sure. They had a bowl of suicide punch going and a keg and there were like 30 people there and everyone is getting wasted as hell. I had to catch an early bus the next morning to head to my parents so like around midnight I’m looking for Jay to see if he wants to head back to the dorm with me and I can’t find him anywhere because the party is taking place in three apartments. Finally one of his rugby buddies tells me he’s in one of the other apartments in the bedroom with a bunch of other dudes and they’re huffing Rush. So I head over to the other apartment, open the bedroom door and there’s four guys sitting around naked, jacking off and with their little brown bottles in hand huffing away. I got the fuck out of there and headed back to the dorm and like two hours later Jay comes staggering in and passes out on his bed with all his clothes on. At like five in the morning all of the sudden I hear something and wake up to see Jay barfing all over his bed. I was super pissed off. I had to be at the bus station at 7:30 so I just got up, showered then got my shit and left early without saying a word to Jay. When Christmas break was over I got back to the dorm before Jay and what the fuck do I find? He never cleaned up his puke before he left. I threw all his bedding down the garbage chute, along with his stinking gym clothes, socks and sneakers. He gets back like a couple hours later wondering what happened to his bed sheets and gym stuff and I look at him and just say “I don’t know they weren’t there when I got back.” So its been four weeks since then and Jay is still huffing his “boner in a bottle” almost every night and still getting bloody noses all the time and still going out and getting shit faced every weekend. Next year I am getting a different roommate.
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