So I got into a university on the other side of the country and my parents had this brilliant idea that I should live with my mom’s cousin rather than in the dorms because he has a nice house that he lives all alone in only five miles from campus plus he’s an associate professor of computer sciences at the university. I only met him a couple times when I was just a kid when he flew back and stayed with us for some weddings or something. Back then he was in college going to the same university he’s at now. I packed up all my stuff in my beater of a car and drove out to CA. My car broke down twice on the way (I ended up junking the car a week after I got there), it took me five days to get there and I pull up to the house and my mom’s cousin comes running out of the house to greet me. With a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, screaming that I had grown “to such a tall, handsome man.” I’m like “Oh fuck!” No one told me the dude is gay!
Anyway, he shows me my room and first thing I find out is we share the only bathroom in the house with doors going to each of our rooms. The house is tiny and really old. It’s more like a cabin than a house. He tells me to make myself at home and says “Never mind me- there’s no rules other than pick up after yourself and remember to lock up when you leave and only let the dog out on his leash.” He goes to the kitchen, opens the back door and this little rat comes running in yapping like crazy then fucking lifts his leg on my suitcase. And what is the dog’s name? Sissy.
So he’s showing me around the house and we get to his room and I look on the wall above the bed and there’s this picture of him and another dude sitting on a beach with their arms around each other- both of them are naked. Instead of curtains he has Gay flags covering his bedroom window. Then he tells me “Aaron’s not home yet. He’s still in class. You’ll really like him.” Aaron? Turns out he doesn’t live alone. He lives with his boyfriend. Who is only three years older than me. Fuuuuuuuck.
So like a couple hours later Aaron comes home and I meet him. He seems like an okay dude and everything but when I’m talking to him he’s like right in my face and keeps touching me. Anyway I get all settled in and everything and we all go out to dinner then come home. I was really tired so I went right to bed. The next morning I get up and head into the bathroom, take my shower and am standing there brushing my teeth and Aaron walks in not wearing a thing and jumps in the shower. Not a second later my cousin walks in, not wearing a thing either, in this TINY little bathroom, grabs his electric shaver and starts shaving.
So there is like no privacy in this little shack at all. Three guys and we’re always tripping over each other. And we all have like the same schedule so we’re all trying to get into the bathroom at the same time every morning. My cousin insists on doing all the cooking, which I don’t mind but they are vegetarians and I’m not. Both of them love all the TV shows I hate and listen to nothing but electronic dance music which I can’t stand. About once a month they have a party at the house- nothing but gay dudes- and since I don’t have a car anymore if I can’t find a friend to pick me up and go someplace I’m stuck at these parties. They last until like two in the morning and the busses stop running through our neighborhood at eight each night, just as the parties are pretty much starting.
There’s no place for me to work close by the house and besides, with my classes I really don’t have any time for a job anyway. I’m only paying $150.00 a month in rent (well, my parents are paying it) and they can’t afford me moving to the dorms. And the worst part is my cousin and Aaron are always trying to fix me up with guys and I’m like dudes, I am not gay. I am seriously thinking that when this school year is over I’m just going to drop out and move back home.