Farts

Garrett is my roommate and it sucks. I’m a freshman and this is the first time I ever had to share a room with anyone and I hate it. If you wanna call what we live in a room. It’s more like a fucking closet. My bathroom at home is bigger than this dorm room. The college said we could put loft beds in the room and I’m thinking great! They just had to be an approved design and we would be responsible for putting it up, taking it down and any damage caused by installing it. Garrett didn’t want a loft so that cuts down on the floor space. He at least agreed to bunk beds as long as he could have the lower bunk cuz he don’t like heights.
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Never choose your bestie

My current lease was comming to an end and i was parting ways with a really great roomate of 2yrs. We were two peas in a pod, able to share space and a social life while maintaining boundaries and resolving conflict in a mature way. We were roommates to be. Around this time my old highschool bestie, whom i had stayed loosely in contact with, called me in a blubbering mess and confided in me that her bf of 2 years had become increasingly violent and controlling towards her. To the point that he would snoop through her phone and if she texted someone who had a male sounding name he would interrogate and restrain her. When she attempted to break up with him he wouldnt allow it and would blatantly stalk and intimidate her until she caved in and came whimpering back to her spot beneath his heel. Oh wonderful a snatch and grab in hostile territory. At first i thought “oh this brotha going down im gonna have his nuts in a vice” now i wonder why i ever signed up for this suicide bombing when my friend turned out to be the real osama bin laden of the two.
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I Can’t Take It!

So I got into a university on the other side of the country and my parents had this brilliant idea that I should live with my mom’s cousin rather than in the dorms because he has a nice house that he lives all alone in only five miles from campus plus he’s an associate professor of computer sciences at the university. I only met him a couple times when I was just a kid when he flew back and stayed with us for some weddings or something. Back then he was in college going to the same university he’s at now. I packed up all my stuff in my beater of a car and drove out to CA. My car broke down twice on the way (I ended up junking the car a week after I got there), it took me five days to get there and I pull up to the house and my mom’s cousin comes running out of the house to greet me. With a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, screaming that I had grown “to such a tall, handsome man.” I’m like “Oh fuck!” No one told me the dude is gay!
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How I Learned the Hard Way My Best Friend is an Irresponsible Hoarding Slob

I moved into my first apartment with my best friend if 10 years. I knew she was messy, and I knew a lot of her bad habits going into it, so I thought everything was going to be alright.

I was wrong.

My friend’s parents used to nag her to do stuff. Constantly. Without that nagging, she was a lazy slob….even by my standards, and I’m not the cleanest person in the world. I refused to do her chores for her, though. I wasn’t going to act like her mother.

We had a DISHWASHER, for goodness sake, but the dishes would stack up for months, getting moldy and stinky and rendering the sink unusable. My friend is a hoarder, too. I was lucky if I could see the floor or table/counter surfaces at all. The place was such a disgusting mess… And she had the nerve to get mad at me a couple of times for leaving a cup of out on the coffee table. When she herself left plates and food wrappers there, and I had to shove all that aside to even make room for my cup in the first place. Yeesh.
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Bullsh*t!

I moved in to an apartment with a friend of mine, Tom, who I met last year in one of my classes. When I first met Tom I thought he was a little full of himself but after a while we got to be pretty good friends and I put up with Tom’s occasional bullshit. When we moved in a friend of Tom’s was already in the apartment. Jerry graduated this past December though so we had to find another roommate. I new this guy Eric from one of my other classes and he was looking for an apartment so I told Tom and Tom said fine. Like a week after Eric moves in Tom comes up to me and says “you didn’t tell me Eric was a Jew” and I’m like “dude, I didn’t know that and what the hell does that matter?” So Tom looks at me and says “you’re kidding, right?” and I just flipped him off and said “whatever.”
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Crazy Bitch

So my roommate and myself had only hung out a few times alone and we really got along so I thought living together would be fun. The first half of the year was okay except her cat was hurting my cat so I didn’t like him. But I decided to ignore it and move on and everything got better. But my decline in liking her started when she was whining like a baby for me having the remote to turn the volume down because i had friends over from out of town who i was trying to talk to. This was when I got a taste of who she really is. A child.
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I’m living in bizarro world

I have known my roommate for at least 10 years now, and we are both in our early 30’s. My boyfriend and I decided to move back into the area and she always said that once I do, we can move into her spare bedroom. Once we finally moved in she told me that the landlord wanted to talk to me. He of course wanted to make sure we were responsible and dependable, and wanted my boyfriend and I to sign a lease without my friend, saying if she wasn’t able to pay her portion of the rent it was our problem. THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY CLUE TO RUN!!

The girl I moved in with is not the girl I knew 10 years ago, but in fact a pill popping junkie who can’t hold down a job. She steals from me all the time, and I swear she must be a ninja or something. She manages to find the little cash I do carry on me and takes it in the middle of the night during her ninja stealth missions. Yes, I have a lock on my door but locks don’t keep out ninjas. I then kept my cash in my car and she manages to somehow get it there too. She steals any and all medications; whether its advil or anti anxiety meds.
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